i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
