careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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