Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
