just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
