I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
