Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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