You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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