I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
