you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
