12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
