wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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