just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
