I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
