it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
