I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
