Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
