So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
