I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
