No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize