2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
