I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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