I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
