i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize