i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
