thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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