I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
