Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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