He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
