3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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