I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize