wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
