your room smells of hookers.
And success
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
