There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
