New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
