matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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