Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
