Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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