And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
