forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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