I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
