She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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