She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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