Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
