I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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