Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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