Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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