Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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