Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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