Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
