just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
