we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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