did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
