I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize