i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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