i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I believe in your delicious
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
