John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
