I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
