I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
