Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
