Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
