Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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