I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
