we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize