i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
