at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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