It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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