...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
