Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
