she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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