Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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