I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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