I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
