when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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